By beaver bowls 
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Video surveillance recorded a woman staggering along the sidewalk as she approached a utility pole located in front of Beaver Bowls. The crazy drunk lady (CDL) appeared to try to ignite the dry grass at the base of the pole. After two failed attempts the CDL was able to light a piece of paper, surprisingly, without self-immolating. The fire sprouted and grew and the CDL was able to walk away, despite her heroic intake of of booze, which was captured by surveillance cameras at Harrison’s Bar & Grill, a local watering hole.
Immaculately, the Corvallis Police Department arrived within two minutes and doused the fire with an extinguisher. Although the police did not notify Beaver Bowls of the incident, their timely response was appreciated.
Motive for the arson is unknown. Speculation hovers between the CDL being disgruntled from buying great bud at an amazing price, to the CDL being an agent of the liquor industry, perhaps Ten High, who wanted to cleanse our society of marijuana like God told her to.
One thing is for sure, she wanted to get lit!
I wish more articles were written with this style…fantastic! Congrats to the author! In addition I’d like to tip my hat to the Corvallis law enforcement officers for a job well done.